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I have a love hate relationship with the weighing scale. When I get on the glass and steel decider of my weekly fate, my heart very nearly slows to a stop. For an insentient thing, it wields an enormous power over my existence.
Which brings me to my existence.
In the beginning, it appeared to go from reminder to reminder.
Reminder 1 - "You've already had your bread for today. No more!"
Reminder 2 - "You've had it good for so long, now stop dreaming of bread."
Reminder 3 - "Drink some water and no, Mini-Him's jalapeno cheese on Him's ciabatta will not do you any favors."
When did I become such a comfort junkie?! Even as I type out the word "comfort", visions of softly resisting, yeasty, steaming bread run across the projector of my mind. Superimposed on an equally fluffy, doughy me.
It seems the hardest thing to give up. Everything else is alright. I love veggies and can eat them all the time. But allowing myself only those two slices for breakfast in the morning is such cruel punishment for thoughtless indulgence.
Something about chewy comfort of that kind takes me to a safe and warm place. That word again. Safe. Home seems a feeling. A feeling of rightness without surprises. Working on the many layers (excuse the pun) of my weighty self, the most consistent choices are the safest, non-variable and densest ones.
Which brings me to why I would need dense foods to feel...well...safe and good. And grounded. That's really it. It makes me feel like I'm safely anchored to planet earth. Otherwise, I feel like a free floating and very confused spirit. I felt like that, rather, until I began meditating and locating the source of the discomfort.
The very fact of realizing that there was some constant uneasiness went a long way toward easing my cravings. I can't believe it, but this week went by without needing much bread. Just my daily whole grain 2 slices in the morning. The weight quit climbing and the exercise is making a difference. A lot of visualization and self-talk there, but it helped. I haven't talked to myself in ages. Of course I sound cuckoo...maybe I am. But it helps me a great deal.
Also, Pam from http://www.pleemiller.blogspot.com/ is my wonderful inspiration. Her positive outlook makes me think that things are possible this time :-) Hugs to you Pam.
I have this wonderful quote I found while trying to talk/read/boost and scold myself into positivity. Found it at www.quotegarden.com.
Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life. ~Phillip C. McGraw, The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom, 2003
That's just what I needed to remind myself of all the things that do matter. And that after the pounds, there's everything that makes it all worthwhile.
A little bit of bread would surely make it better.