Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The point of meditation as per a monk

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photo credit - Evgeni Dinev; freedigitalphotos.net
Meditation has taken me through some ridiculously difficult times. There have been instances when after emerging from it, I've realized that I was possibly in that "void" where no thoughts, feelings, desires exist. This was of course for fleeting moments.  These moments though, have been extremely rare. In twelve years, possibly less than five times. I do have an easily agitated mind and attempting to quieten it down, using TM, was an exercise in patience and understanding. On a side note, a realization - there's nothing as unforgiving as a judgemental view of oneself. You see the world through your physical self/understand through your mind/feel through your heart, right? What if the lens through which you view existence (you as a sum of your experiences) is that badly flawed? Again, in your own estimation. I firmly believe that it can be crippling to expect perfection at once, or to believe that we're not good enough. No one is happy this way. I can never get viciously upset with people who have trouble accepting their flaws. They're probably afraid of looking at a whole host of things differently. So much hinges on just belief in our world. Nothing short of non-judgemental love can instill change. 


Okay, back to the point. There was a time in the past year when I was completely excited about meditation because of the many strange sensations that I had begun feeling. I was convinced that I'd reached somewhere significant. There were spiraling sensations down my spine. A sudden rocking like I was in the middle of the ocean. The feeling of flight. The feeling of a free fall. It was delicious. I thought I was going through levels/planes. I researched these sensations on the internet and ofcourse - it was kundalini shakti, ascending through planes, being purified. Great stuff!


I had to stop meditating for a couple of months during travel and one of Mini-Him's emergency room visits. When I got back to it, I had to start all over again. No more exciting trips when in deep meditation. I was back to struggling. When a monk came to visit last month, he had us in Shavasana after intense yoga. His gently dispensed suggestions had me going very easily into that phase again. I was happy. Something comforting and positive. I asked him about it, possibly looking pleased with myself.


photo credit - graur razvan ionut; free digital photos.net
His answer had me thinking. He said, "One feels many things in the course of meditation and yoga. If you were to stop and think of all of these things, you would never reach that state of bliss. The point of complete union which is also complete detachment. These sensations still keep you here. You're thinking of them and you want to reach those sensations. In reality, they mean nothing. Observe them and move on. During meditation, control nothing. Just observe and remain on your mantra."


How easy it was to get carried away! Now I'm learning to let go - again!


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