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Padma in Sync

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"She walks funny." The little boy tried twisting his knees and shooting out his spindly legs as he said the words that unsettled her. The knocking knees were symbolic of many other twisted, out-of-alignment situations in her life.

Padma continued to waddle-walk at a brisk pace. The walk was invigorating and until she heard the kids' comment, she had been relaxed. The great outdoors had always beckoned. But somehow, the unchallenged quietude of an orderly home gave her an escape from yet another aspect of life that she enjoyed.

The pattern of self-sabotage was second nature. It just took knowing what she liked, and that triggered an automatic chain of events that led to her denying herself.

For once, it had all flown from her mind; she didn't mind the bouncing of everything else in her body. The rules, the guilt, the "musts" and "shoulds" and the unease that emanated from every pore.

Until of course, the innocuous comment f…

Oak and his water world

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"Mommy, mommy there's another wave!!!He yelled as he ran, hoping to escape it, hoping to get caught...eager to hit the sand before the wave hit him. Chubby legs and arms uncoordinated in excitement and haste The wave got him of course. A laughing, delirious and happy little boy. His mother smiled with the sun behind her, and led him to a warm spot on the sandy beach.

Oak stood at the edge of what must have been the Strand on the beach with expensive homes that had overlooked the ocean. That was thirty years ago. Thirty years in which the waves had hit much more than rambunctious little kids playing in the surf. They had hit and taken over the beach, and now crashed over the framework of uber riche homes...framework that showcased an expanse of sky and empty shell, sand and seaweed laden spaces inside.

The only channel that brought him to his childhood haunt was empty at this time of morning. It swept down from a web of suspended metallic beams in the …

Inspired Chicken Little wisdom

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Life seemed rudderless and fraught with worry over the last few months. Apparently, worry by itself "ruddered" my little life boat into even more choppy "worry-riddled" waters. It was such a ridiculous spiral downward - my spirit plummeted with the added weights of worry and dread.

Every bit of news and every call home made me believe that the worst was upon us all. It was like the chicken little scenario...I think I must've run around thinking that the sky was falling for a good 6-8 months and it has been enough!

Until the sky does fall, there is not much one can do, is there? And what do we do when the sky falls? Run for cover? Where would we go?

In the midst of endless negativity and traumatic happenings, I constantly search for a core thought, or a grounding notion. An understanding if you will, of what makes a situation negative enough to elicit reactions that appear illogical.

My understanding is that people seem to be motivated b…

rain and hope

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Thunderclap resounding over parched earth
Promises of a torrent that soaks into cell micro worlds
Earth aromas ripe with expectation
And secret colors tint the green, where buds are poised to spasm open

Amorphous rain droplets sway
over cloudy precipice
hope and expectation seem to morph this way
Awaiting that change in physical elements
causing a free fall onto the earth

Nourishing earth nourishing sky
promise and oneness carried to the heart
Just for a while before umbrellas and distrust
shield what the heart from what it knows.

*Picture Credit - "Stormy Weather" by dan through www.freedigitalphotos.net





reconnecting...

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Mini-Baby is supposed to go to school now. He's asleep on the sofa. Snug as a bug in a rug. It is gray outside with occasional spatters of rain. Droplets reaching earth, soaking into it and bringing some message from the heavens about grounding myself. The present is being nurtured. In ways that I can't yet see.

The poem that I wrote some days ago captured some of what I feel. A disconnectedness that runs deep. Nothing that I chose, but certainly something that hit me when I was busy living my life as a teen. So much has happened since those early years. My insides were in a constant twist, and every action an attempt to make it and keep it real. A true case of fake it till you make it.

The simplest things seem to help me these days though. Just noticing everything. Being solidly anchored in the present...as in...never leave a moment to drift away...never allow an errant thought unrelated to crop up. And mostly, a stern voice that I listen to...one tha…

detachment??

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Detachment is good they say.
Oh to feel anchored in the moment!
Life like the pages of a book...grey pictures and sudden
startling color...missed because
Even sensations are perceived through opacity.

Neither foothold nor memory
allow a satisfying measure of belonging.
The flow of time ceased
and life's movement is merely seen as though
one appears in many movie frames
all at once.

Would I know when the movie is over?
Would it feel the same?
Thought and feeling through opacity
Photons of light illuminate everything but
why and how to remove
that shield that allows just
half a life.

Pain is distant
and I am not me
Love abundant
yet un-absorbable
Knowledge waiting
to be claimed but how can one?
Locked in yet unmoored,
Neither here nor there.

*Image - www.freedigitalphotos.net; "Vintage Modern" by tuelekza









pour light into a void

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Love, compassion and humanity are a two way street. One cannot pour shining light into a dark void that incinerates all that gives life meaning. One cannot make excuses for a void...a void exists, and the light that it devours greedily lies within...the only way it can free itself would be to give back...give back the light, illuminating what lies within.

Who dare demand that more light be given to those who willingly live in the dark void? If the only goal of life is death, how can life be?

The only answer is to
leave them alone. They are not ready for your particular light. Your particular hope, and your particular point in time. They will leave when they are ready. They will receive all there is without you...and the void will be less strong then.

Image* - "Black Hole" by chrisroll, www.freedigitalphotos.com