Secure Chaos

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Michel de Montaigne - "My life is full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened..."

The above quote sums up my daily musings. The stress I must put my mind, body and spirit under while journeying to the conclusion of every "worst possible outcome" must be comical in the face of my rather mundane life.

Image 1
I do live a very adventurous's all in my mind though. I run down steep slopes that would set my knees quaking in real life and I say outrageous things that I would never dare to other wise. The loss of the happiness of a loved one, or losing the love of a loved one and everything in between is imagined and accessorized with blazing emotion that leaves me wrung out. Wrung out while sitting on a sofa in the morning.

I had a roller coaster year and a half and finally have some time to do things other than pressing chores. It appears that this is what my mind wants to do first. It wants to do SOMETHING...and so that is to cook up melodrama with my insecurities playing the central, pivotal roles.

I let this happen for a week or so. Every time I sat down thinking that I needed some quiet time after the prolonged buzz, my mind carefully spun tragedies, disappointments and doomsday scenarios. Try reading the news at this point. The creativity that evil uses to assert itself these days will give the brain a definitive shove toward entropy.

Then I stopped sitting down and found peace and quiet while allowing my body to move. When I had to sit down, it was with stern lectures to myself about how there is another aspect to life that needs focus. Namely learning...gardening, poetry, building things...just seems to stop all negative translation.

That is my new focus now. This allows me a breath of fresh air and hope in the constructed misery that seems such an unfortunate part of my thought process. Create love, create hope, create follows that I must think along these lines, and my mind must spin hope and love and possibilities to move away from emotionally chaotic thoughts.

It appears that it is all about being present in the moment. Being here. As opposed to grabbing at a past or imagining a detailed future.

Image 1 -; Red Yellow Texture Isolated On White Background by Sommai


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