The dragons within

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Beyond here, there be dragons

I used to love all that the warning conveyed to me. A sense of danger, yes, but also something powerful that could alter someone's landscape.

Today, after news of the tragedy in Connecticut, I wonder again if the first journey we set ourselves on, on spring breaks, months of summer break and weekends and days off, should be that trip within. To the bank of our emotional wellspring, to the shores of our intellect, the building blocks of our thought processes - tackle the dragons hiding within, so to speak.

I'm so so sorry for the precious little lives that had cruelty and fear as their last view of this fucked up planet. Aside from a  (useless) wish that this had never happened, I also (hopelessly) wish that those children had not known fear and pain in their last moments.

The parents are the ones who will live with it all now. Terrible knowledge and pointless and persistent thoughts about what their children could've had, and what they themselves should have done instead of....

I read on the Yahoo message boards comments about how these things happen everyday all over the world. The people who said them did so trying to make a point of other things. I don't know how one tragedy can diminish another. If I were to hear about all of it, from the world over, everyday, I would certainly go mad.

There's something fundamentally broken. I can imagine an eye roll and the words "finally got that huh, genius?"

They speak of gun laws, more security, people from different places etc...but never about why there is such a dreadful spike in rash cruelty. The murderers don't think...the laws are not a deterrent and the distinction between right or wrong continues to blur. Aside from economy, why are there so many young people suffering from so much psychological instability?

Video games. lack of parental control etc are the usual suspects.

But I do believe it has something to do with children having less quietude in general. No moment when their minds are not on something. Even if their bodies are still, they're processing the happenings of the day. None of which enable measured thought.

I can't blame parents. Or the kids or the schools...or life in general.

There's no one to blame, and yet, it is our collective responsibility.

I can't bear the fact that aside from writing this article, and my vocal support of laws, there's nothing else for me to do with regard to this tragedy. I will likely focus on bringing up my children properly, and even then, there is no guarantee that they will be safe. I can do everything in my (limited) power and still have no way of ensuring the kids safety.

But this much I do know...what happened in Connecticut, the movie theater in Colorado, the temple in Minneapolis and the Oregon mall is symptomatic of what ails our society in general. We have to heal ourselves...and I just can't fathom how.

We're going to bend over backwards to make everything safer with more laws, computer systems and security systems without analyzing why there is so much danger to begin with.

Why is there so much danger in spite of so much knowledge all around? Why is there so much danger in spite of freely available care? In spite of mountains of self help books and incessant comparisons to children from other societies and attempts to match up to them? Why is there so much danger even though most parents are giving their best?

I don't's ripping me apart that there's nothing more to be done. That come tomorrow, I'll go back to my life, be grateful for my blessings and move on. I can't stand that for all of us, this will be a regretful memory. And that we'll grow even more suspicious of each other. And that we'll become even more paranoid about safety. We have to do all of the above to survive of course, but the germ that seems to be part of our societal fabric will continue to thrive.

If murderers are ever captured alive, they need to be taken to a country that is starved of compassion and basics, and they need to work on saving lives...they need to be dropped in the middle of bullets and they need to be told that they are there to save starving kids who "will die" if not for them. They need to learn, what it is to nurture and grow...Not as a means of saving their souls, but to send them into hell of a different kind. The kind that is seen from the opposite end of the spectrum. They need to be made to run to save lives and fear not making it every single day.

We've actually come to believe that we can take away what is not ours. Being offended, angry or upset is reason enough to upend another human's whole universe.

I feel even more like I don't belong.

This world is not for me. At all.

And there's no where else to go.

Wish you all a peaceful weekend.


  1. wishing you peace this weekend Anne--hold the boys close and realize---------you are just where you are supposed to be! blessings on this grief filled weekend.

  2. Wish you the same too...I think it's all over the world, this sort of disconnect from each other. I truly wish those children had been spared. Thanks're right as usual. I guess things will be as they're meant to be. It's just hard to accept sometimes.


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