Monday, April 11, 2016

reconnecting...

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Mini-Baby is supposed to go to school now. He's asleep on the sofa. Snug as a bug in a rug. It is gray outside with occasional spatters of rain. Droplets reaching earth, soaking into it and bringing some message from the heavens about grounding myself. The present is being nurtured. In ways that I can't yet see.

The poem that I wrote some days ago captured some of what I feel. A disconnectedness that runs deep. Nothing that I chose, but certainly something that hit me when I was busy living my life as a teen. So much has happened since those early years. My insides were in a constant twist, and every action an attempt to make it and keep it real. A true case of fake it till you make it.

The simplest things seem to help me these days though. Just noticing everything. Being solidly anchored in the present...as in...never leave a moment to drift away...never allow an errant thought unrelated to crop up. And mostly, a stern voice that I listen to...one that tells me never to allow thoughts that spiral into a vortex of hopelessness.

Being in the present seems to return a lot of energy. Much that I thought I didn't have. It was there all along for the taking. I just couldn't stay long enough to recharge.

Grounded as the trees that live for centuries...not that I want to. But that is where they get their strength from. The earth itself.
Image *
Image* credit - https://www.americanforests.org/magazine/article/giant-sequoia/ via google images

Saturday, April 2, 2016

detachment??

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Detachment is good they say.
Oh to feel anchored in the moment!
Life like the pages of a book...grey pictures and sudden
*Image
startling color...missed because
Even sensations are perceived through opacity.

Neither foothold nor memory
allow a satisfying measure of belonging.
The flow of time ceased
and life's movement is merely seen as though
one appears in many movie frames
all at once.

Would I know when the movie is over?
Would it feel the same?
Thought and feeling through opacity
Photons of light illuminate everything but
why and how to remove
that shield that allows just
half a life.

Pain is distant
and I am not me
Love abundant
yet un-absorbable
Knowledge waiting
to be claimed but how can one?
Locked in yet unmoored,
Neither here nor there.

*Image - www.freedigitalphotos.net; "Vintage Modern" by tuelekza